I went for a run this morning with a good girlfriend – one of the best, in fact. We ran 6km but I think we talked for 10 😉
A couple of hours later, I loaded the dogs up to head to our (okay, my) favourite walking spot. We walked for 50 minutes in silence and it was blissful. Upon returning to my car in the lot I was observing various people out and about soaking up the warm morning sun.. It WAS stunning out… I then laid eyes on a woman pushing a Chariot. She was pushing it up a hill. With a kid in it (READ: weight)….. And she was running. Damn it.
My first thought was ‘Shit.. I should go for another run’. Then ‘I should do a workout at home. Maybe some yoga flow…?’
My mind in a buzz figuring out how I was going to do more. But THEN I thought…. ‘What the hell, Jen?? What ARE you doing?? YOU ran! You DID workout this morning and enjoyed it… so why in the world are you trying to take it away from yourself?? As well, the woman on the hill has NOTHING to do with you!’
**rolls eyes at self ** (Insert big breath here…)
What I did this morning was ENOUGH.
And then again – What I did this morning was ENOUGH.
It was a VERY conscious interruption of thought (of which there were many) but the one that was loudest to me was being enough. And the fact that I actually thought I had to do more. Seriously though….. WHY?
It seems so rare these days that we give ourselves a break.. or that we acknowledge all that we DO accomplish.. WHATEVER that looks like.. Why is being so hard on ourselves so widely practiced and maybe even expected…?
I can’t imagine the years taken off of our lives – worrying that we aren’t measuring up or exhausted with the effort of trying to.
Minding the self chatter was and is the first step for me. At this time in my life I have no time for anything that doesn’t add value. This has to include the dialogue in my head.
Today, I caught my chatter. Trying to bait me into doing more.. and really at what value…
I would MUCH sooner spend my time having time. Not filling it with trying to be enough.
There are no measures to determine if what we do day to day is enough. It can be a very slippery slope… there is alway more to reach for, to do, to think, to have.. to be…
How lucky that it’s in our own hands to decide that we’re enough. And practice getting comfortable with that decision – which can be tough to do.
Today was definitely good practice.
To the woman pushing the Chariot…? Good on you! And thank you for the lesson 🙂