Ladies involved with second rate men – stop it. Just stop it. Please.
I’ve had my share of relationships. I’ve watched my friends have their own.
What I’ve noticed is how we tend to justify shitty behaviour from the men we choose. Whether we’ve been dating them for 2 weeks or married for 20 years.
I’m talking about manipulative, selfish, abusive (and remember abuse isn’t only physical), childish, dysfunctional men. You know those red flags you’re supposed to pay attention to…? Do that. If you’re unable to tap into what those are – listen. Listen to what’s in your heart. In your belly. It will tell you. Odds are that if you can’t seem to hear what your intuitive body is telling you then you may be out of touch with that body. And it may be time to get reacquainted. My best advice is to let no person become a louder voice in your life than your own. I have spent 4 decades learning that lesson. Tough as it was, it is one of my best lessons..
Here’s the thing.. no one has to be in a relationship. It is perfectly fine (and fun!) to be single for your whole life. However if you choose to be in a relationship, it is so beneficial to you to examine if that relationship makes you feel good about yourself. AS good as when you’re on your own.
It is never healthy to expect a relationship to make you ‘happy’ in any way shape or form but it IS healthy to determine if your relationship is hurting your being. It’s one thing to take ownership and accountability for where you are in life, it’s another thing entirely to eliminate your boundaries in doing that. You are NOT responsible for others behaviour. Sometimes others behaviour is shit. It’s harmful or it’s simply flat. It is in YOUR best interest to examine where in your boundaries that behaviour falls.
Here’s another thing.. and I bet that if you’re clinging to an unhealthy relationship you will have a tough time believing .. your kids (if you have them) will be fine if you leave. Yes, they will. AND.. there ARE good men out there. There really are. Wonderful warm, stop what they’re doing to listen to you men who hold doors open, kiss your head, cook you dinner and wrap their limbs around you out of pure affection and wanting to be close.
Listen, if you cling to a sinking boat, you’ll never be able to make an attempt to swim to shore – or better, you’ll never learn what else is out there for you. And I don’t just mean people, I mean lessons, memories, warm days and less pain.
I’ve walked the walk. I’m here. On the shore. But I often wade out into the waters. I love to discover.. and these days I’m secure in my strength and make peace my priority. No matter what I encounter, I come back to myself and those I trust.
Ladies, it is so worth it to go back to yourself. Try to find some light and follow that home.
*I believe this applies to all genders/partners however for the sake of simplicity and personal perspective I wrote this as I did.