To Whom It May Concern:

It’s not about you.

Those people who like to tease.. to point out flaws in others and try to make it funny. Do you feel safe in that..? Do you truly know how the other person feels about those flaws..?

Leave them alone. It’s not about the little chuckle you get highlighting something unusual in someone else. It’s not about you.

Honest to god, where did we all get so detached…?

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When did we stop listening and by listening I mean looking at body language not just hearing words.

Do people understand listening anymore….? It seems that in dialogue too many are busy defending themselves (guilt? insecurity? asshole syndrome?) and in doing that they are quietly, in their minds, forming replies or comments or justifications before the speaker has even finished. What’s the fucking point of the dialogue?? I suppose if you feel like you have to be right then by all means.. you’d better get right in there and, by the way, it would be faster to assert your douche bag self righteousness if you didn’t even allow the other to speak. Just sayin’.

When you actually care enough to understand what the other person is saying it becomes about them…. NOT you. Does that make sense..? Do people remember how to selflessly care…?

Look at the person trying to communicate with you. LOOK…

  • are they nervous..? scared? speaking quickly..? not looking directly at you..?
  • is their forehead all wrinkled up in concern..? are there tears in their eyes…?
  • are you giving them room to feel comfortable or are you posturing ready to be ‘right’.. that can be eye rolling (don’t do that, that’s just dicky), arms crossed, none blinking stare, sneer, interrupting…

If you REALLY want to hear someone, you gotta listen. IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU.

Quit defending yourself. Empty your brain of the preconceived idea of how your conversations typically go. Try.. just TRY to hear the people you care about. Make the time and then make the effort. When you hear them.. don’t turn things back on them. Don’t deflect as a reaction. Stop. Just hang onto it. You can do it. Because you care.

If and when you choose NOT to hear someone then own that. When they surprise you by expressing a feeling or a statement ‘out of the blue’ or they simply stop having anything to do with you.. fucking own it… because when it comes down to actually connecting and doing the work BECAUSE YOU CARE.. and you decide to keep your head in your ass because YOU’VE got it all figured out and the person standing across from you clearly has issues, insecurities, defaults or is just bat shit crazy…

NOW.. it’s about you.

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This planet could use a little more caring, a little more listening. Practice.. it might be easier than you think. It’s feels so good to be cared for. But you gotta truly give a little to get a little.

xxx

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