So.. here it is. I am a bit of a stubborn ass. I’m as nurturing as they come. I preach self health and play.. balance. I try hard to live by those values. And while I absolutely understand that not everything is within my control – I am well aware that there is much I CAN control. And have not been.
To be clear, this post is not about seeking advice, sympathy or opinion.
This post is – as all my posts are – so that perhaps someone can relate to what I’m dealing with and that maybe it will make it easier for them in knowing that they aren’t alone in their frustration, pain and uncertainty. If anyone is up to dialogue regarding any of this – I am as well 🙂
⊛ Let’s back things up a year when I started with a small plantar wart on the bottom of my foot. Ironically, I was pretty jacked back then as I hadn’t been sick in what seemed like years and I finally thought I was mastering my health… Enter wart which I tried to take care of myself – I don’t get them often at all but I’ve certainly had a few and so of course – ‘I got this’. Well… ‘I don’t got this’….
It doesn’t go away and looks like I have a couple new ones.. Awesome. Go to doc and we chat about my immune system, my life stresses and how I’m coping because my body is NOT fighting off this virus.
⊛ Fast forward one year and I can tell you I’ve been getting painful treatment every two weeks in order to get rid of the nasty little fuckers that seem to like to multiply in pleasure as they witness my pain. I’ve had weeks where I’m unable to walk properly for days. Not fun but I’m almost through it all.
⊛ August 2016 my body introduced me to a new lump called a Ganglion in my wrist. Common they are these Ganglions but that doesn’t make them any less frustrating or painful. My Ganglion is in a place in my wrist where I have been unable to do simple exercises like push ups .. being an active girl, this made working out at my crossfit gym a bit of a challenge.
⊛ Last February at my gym I buggered my shoulders. After 6 months of SOME therapy and lots of rest, the pain remains as does the limited range of motion. Ultrasound confirms Bursitis. Cheers to at least knowing what’s going on.
⊛ Last February I also had my annual physical check up. You know the drill… all the blood work, weight, blood pressure, probing, etc….
Hormones and Thyroid were waving their hands. ‘Hiiiiii!!’ Breast ultrasound suggests I have a new lumpy friend. Uterus introduces me to my 6cm fibroid.
⊛ Enter hormone replacement and follow up exams.
⊛ In addition to the above, I have known that due to an agreement I would be losing my spousal support this year. To help with that I have been trying to educate myself, build a business and continue as a single woman to be available to my 4 kiddos and 3 large dogs.
I don’t mind time crunches and deadlines as they force me to get shit done. That being said, I can see now that things have been a little ‘full’ for me.
Moving right along, I increase my daily intake of coffee and of red wine. Because isn’t that the accepted, preferred and PROMOTED way of handling life when it gets full ??
So, I’ve got a lot going on but.. ya know.. I got this.
Yeah, NO.. not yet anyway…
⊛ Enter the stress pain I blogged about recently. I ended up going to the hospital labour day due to the duration and intensity of pain I was having in my stomach. Also because I’m seeing a wonderful man that is willing to override my stubborn ass attitude – NOT an easy task – and wrap his arm around me and tell me ‘That’s enough.’
Today, I sit typing. I HAVE a head cold which makes me laugh a little because it’s been FOREVER!!
⊛ My cycle (a less obvious way of simply stating ‘period’ which is really all it is – but now I just stated it – so I’m being a little obvious too – cause IDGIF) started this last week and apparently due to my hefty fibroid it means that I have to be on guard everywhere I go that I’m not leaving some bloody trail – it’s real, it sucks, it’s stressful and truly it can look like a crime scene. I will be asking for a referral to see if I can’t get this sorted as while it’s a natural process – THIS much process is quite limiting, painful and I don’t believe it to be healthy.
⊛ My feet seem to be making visible progress.
⊛ I’m back in the pool and working on developing shoulder strength first without aggravating my bursitis.
⊛ I’m asking to be sent to a hand surgeon to determine what to do with this Ganglion – if anything.
⊛ My hormones..? Fuck, man, I don’t know…. I’m NOT a fan of taking drugs. I DO believe there is much to be said about adrenal fatigue and so I will study more of that. I DO know that Testosterone makes me feel flat – so I stopped taking that. Again. Will continue with Synthroid for my thyroid.
⊛ Breast tissue…? I am fortunate in that cancer does not run in my family and so it appears that another follow up in 6 months is how to track this.
⊛ Stomach…? Well, it would appear I have an ulcer based on the conclusion of blood work, ultrasounds, x rays and an h pylori test.. coffee and wine are NOT my friends right now… and the three of us will need to sit down and determine our future together. The degree and location of my (assumed) ulcer have yet to be determined as I’m taking a drug for the next 30 days to see if it helps to heal it.
I have an amazing crew supporting me although there is really nothing they can do. This is my ride. What I DO get from them is space, understanding and laughter. I really need to keep it all in perspective. I have no intentions of pretending any of this is small/insignificant – it’s not. I’m finished with that bullshit. At the same time, I am determined to learn more, to prioritize my health and listen to my body. I’m the only one who can make any difference with any of this and while sad days are perfectly acceptable and healthy to have – I’m going to keep working on laughing when I can. 😉
Have an amazing day and rock your life – it’s the only one you got!! xx