Talk about your A-HA moment!
I’m a lover of love. I love all. I love me. I love you. I believe in the feeling and the ACTION of love.
I was married for 14 years and had 4 delightful children with my ex husband. Then dated a man for 6 years and have since been in and out of a few shorter term relationships – including with myself 😉
To me, the idea of love in a relationship meant romance and some travel and mutual respect and dialogue and challenge and holding hands and leaning on one another and trust and FOREVER. Huh… strong word that forever.
While browsing through my various Pinterest boards including a relationship one, I got to thinking about the relationship I am in today.
I really thought I valued the forever … you know.. finding that perfectly imperfect partner.. the one that makes you smile past the honeymoon phase of your relationship.. the one that doesn’t put the toilet lid down.. the one you can’t wait to tell your day to, the one whose day you are equally as interested in… the one that speaks your love languages even if they aren’t their own… the one you see spending the rest of your life with. Huh….
To be clear, I am still in the honeymoon phase of my relationship (less than a year). And I am super smitten about getting to be with this man. I feel really lucky that he showed up in my life. That being said…. I can’t see forever with him. Only because I kinda don’t care about the forever anymore. What I see and what I’m feeling is the right now. That’s really it. And holy shit do I love the right now.
If I am getting treated with respect, with kindness, with trust, with love, with safety and with laughter then isn’t that what matters about love…? Truly.. what does it matter about forever? Why put so much hope and promise on being together many years down the road when the hope and promise of any value is how we treat each other TODAY.
I won’t bullshit… I have visions of my future as a senior.. I would LOVE to have a companion in my life when I’m grey and wrinkly (okay, MORE grey and wrinkly) but what I REALLY see for myself in my future is laughter. Connection. Safety. Love. I don’t know where it comes from or why but that is my vision for my future. I can actually picture it in my mind…
Something has switched for me in terms of what my true values in a relationship are and I have to say it’s quite a relief! I DO like to look ahead… I think planning and manifesting are brilliant ways to get you to where you want to go… AND I also think that placing more value in the FUNCTION of the relationship you’re in TODAY – be that with a partner or with yourSELF – is where time and energy is best spent.
Either way you look at it, with or without a partner, love is love and that is defined by YOU and if we aren’t practicing love today, what makes us think we’ll have it in the future…?