Stuck

You ever feel like you’re not from a place…?

I’ve moved around for half my life. Not chasing anything, just circumstances.

And now that I’m fully emerged in this… ‘life’… of children and pets, a boyfriend, a job, a mortgage.. I’ve never felt more like none of this makes sense.

_________________

I’m currently at a dance competition and I love so much watching these young people move. I notice how brave they are for exposing themselves, often alone, to an audience of strangers.

I also can’t help but notice that so many people {parents} get swept away by a different focus. There’s costuming and hair and makeup.. and all of these things seem somehow more important than athleticism and health and ART.

I suppose that maybe to many people that part IS the art.

For me, I feel like the point of dance in the first place is missed entirely.

_______________

I’ve never been one to like being categorized.

I cannot stand labels. I feel like they’re actually for OTHER people. Not for the person being labelled.

Because really who the fuck cares?

At the end of the day, it’s kindness and love and truth and effort that matter. To me. And that’s what I try to teach my kids.

The curtain of charade that we tend to hide behind – for better or for worse – is what I think twists my insides and makes me feel like I want to get away.

People trying to outdo other people.. ‘my kid is the biggest, fastest, smartest’…

People trying to hide how they feel behind booze, food, makeup, words, SOCIAL MEDIA….

People not willing to stand alone because they’re shamed and so they have no choice but to conform or be left behind. Alone.

Sarcasm. Teasing. RUDENESS. All a curtain of protection.

‘I’ll hurt you before you get a chance to hurt me.’

This all may be social norm but to me it just doesn’t feel right.

__________________

I’ve taken Facebook off of my phone.

I rarely take part in other forms of social media anymore but for Instagram.

I like social media as a tool to communicate and stay in touch and express and inspire.

But for me it got to a point that I was making myself dizzy as I was scrolling.

And for what? It’s a given these days that anything we read or want to repost has to be triple checked for authenticity.

I have been finding that the online world isn’t turning out to be super healthy, productive or engaging for me.

Part of me wonders why I post at all??

Personally, I like to know I’m not alone in my thoughts/feelings and so it makes me feel better to read some honest material.

As for the rest of it all though, I feel like I’m missing my life and myself by being in front of a screen.

___________________

I find it very difficult living rooted in a city with seemingly no point to existence but to feel stress, to hurry, to give money to businesses all while desperately seeking someone to understand you. To hear you.

I would prefer to wander and not live by someone else’s rules that never had my input.

I don’t understand or care for shallow dialogue and costumes and elephants in the room but I understand pain and so I know why these things take place.

 

I may or may not be from this place but

when I am around open, honest hearts I know I’m where I belong.

Sacred-Circle-Britt-Johnson.jpg

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s