Anew.

a·new
əˈn(y)o͞o/
adverb
literary
  1. in a new or different, typically more positive, way.
  2. “her career had begun anew, with a lucrative Japanese modeling contract”

Well, I’m not so sure about a modeling contract but I’ll take a new or different, typically more positive, way!

I grew up with athletic parents and since I was young I’ve been lucky enough to be exposed to all sorts of sports and athletic endeavours! My brother and I are both blessed with awesome athletic genes. We can do most anything and do it fairly well.

XTERRA Worlds 10km run course Maui – Oct, 2013. Was still feeling good physically!

Sport, competition, exertion, fun, strength, speed have all been a part of my existence since I first learned to ice skate at 5 and competed in figure skating at 7yo in Inuvik, NWT.

We had no pools in Inuvik at the time and so I learned how to swim in Winnipeg, Manitoba during visits to my grandma!

Athletics in school and out of school was just something I did. I loved it! and still do.

I’ve been skydiving, rafting, mtn biking, marathon running, soccer, swimming…….

When I got married and moved to California my husband {at that time} and I used to row together, roller blade and even play basketball on our roller blades! We came back to Canada and got into climbing as something to do together.

Moving along, I got into triathlon, yoga, crossfit, scrambling…. Always. Something.

Today, at 48 years old, I’m at a bit of a crossroads.

I’ve had minor injuries alongside my active lifestyle most of which didn’t need much time off and of course being younger and NOT listening to my body… I sure as shit didn’t take time off. Just worked my way through it.

In the last 18 months alone, I’ve broken my big toe on my right foot, grew a fancy ganglion cyst in my left wrist, became anemic, made my Hashimoto’s worse, grew a big fibroid – ‘Peach’, grew an ulcer, grew cancer, had a minor surgery on my wrist, major surgery to remove Peach and the cancer, have developed joint pain and have most recently torn a rotator cuff.

Last week, when I realized there isn’t much my body could do right now, I REALLY thought I would feel sad and for a day I did cry but

What I felt more of was – relief!

That has never happened for me. Relief instead of sadness. I pride myself on what I can do and I love to be an example of fitness and I’m sure I’ve got some {lots of} identity tied up in how I perform and how I look BUT….… I’m tired. My body is tired. And sore. I have inflammation everywhere {it seems} and I just want to, from the inside of my bones, rest.

I’m actually a little choked typing this out.

My body, heart and mind have been so stressed for so long. I have to do something to take better care. Even yoga flow can be {and is for me} a physical stress. Physical stress is the very opposite of what my body needs. Gentle is the word that comes to mind and to heart.

Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength. -Ralph W. Sockman

I need to keep my body moving for obvious benefits and I will need to learn how to be gentle.

I’m going by feel with this; it’s a brand new place for me. I like to be competitive. I like to go hard from time to time! But I just can’t. And I don’t really want to. For the time being anyway. Nothing is permanent. 😉

My goal is to come back to fitness strong {maybe not the same strong} and with a better understanding about my body and what it needs. I have some goals still and I plan to be able to get after them even in my 60’s!!

And with that, my fingers are starting to ache so I will sign off with this thought…

In the waves of change, we find our direction.’

xx

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