A Season and a Reason

You know..  ‘they’ talk about how fall {the season} teaches us to let go of dead things.

Sometimes I feel like:

  • we don’t even know we’re hanging on.
  • we’re not always ready to let go.
  • we don’t know HOW to let go.

A guy I dated for awhile used to frequently say – ‘be careful what you wish for.’

A good friend of mine has always reminded me to – ‘get back to the basics.’

It would appear that in my life right now, BOTH of these statements are stubbornly ramming their way into my existence. While I don’t recall in my life when I have ever been more challenged for such an extended period of time, I have to say that somehow there is a thin layer of excitement and brightness underneath the heaviness of all of this.

I have never in my life felt like a butterfly. On the other end of life. Free. Colourful.

Yet in other ways I have. Dancing. Delicate. Chaotic and calm.

The image of the butterfly seems to come for me now with the idea of transition. From one way of life to another. Nothing being ‘good’. Nothing being ‘bad’. But everything being different. Graduating, if you will. Moving on from what was and exploring what will be. What will be, it would seem, is the things I deeply wish for and getting back to the basics.

Over the years of my life I have layered and layered and layered. For various reasons – trauma, spontaneity, thoughtlessness, thoughtfulness, pressure, pleasure….. It has come to a point that I very much feel buried under this life.

What I’m finding as I age and as my children age is that so much of this isn’t who I am anymore. Maybe it never was…?

I don’t feel it valuable to discern and dissect the past at this point and much prefer to put my energy into today and the future. MY  future. Not the future people need of me or the patterns of family dynamic but – the future I want for me.

There are endless quotes and pieces of advice out there talking about finding ourselves, living with passion, letting go and being authentic. While these words are all very well and good, it does very little for the person who can’t see HOW to do this. Like seriously, HOW does the addict, the single parent, the physically challenged, the ill or someone who just wants to … HOW the fuck can they or you or I just drop the life we’re already holding and ‘let go, be authentic and passionately’ land ourselves into a new one??!

Well, we can’t. I can’t, anyway… it doesn’t happen like that.

Listen..  we all have our stories, the ones we’ve lived through and the ones we’re still living. The point is (and I’m catching onto this as I’m typing) – we’re here.

We. Are. Here.

It’s up to us how we want to think about our lives. And that is where it starts.

The only way to even get to the transition is to observe and change the way we think about where we’re at right.. now..

George Mumford, author of The Mindful Athlete, talks about being the eye of the storm. That we need to get still and learn to recognize that what swirls around us is not what is within us.

Matthew McConaughey talks about life lessons and that the first step toward finding out who we are is finding out who we are NOT.

Back to the basics. Back to the basics. Back to the basics. If the foundation isn’t secure, strong and safe then anything built on top of it is also not secure, strong or safe.

What are the basics..? Breath. Water. Rest. Food that nourishes. Movement. Human connection.

As the season of fall arrives once again, I am reminded to let dead things go. How? Well… sometimes life takes care of the ‘how’ for you. Especially when it is what you deeply wish for. In my case, it has taken some observing of the chaos around me to notice that what is happening in my life is much of what I’ve wished for. It doesn’t feel like it right now as change can be messy – and painful – but looking from a place of calm and trust, I can see it.

It is also helpful for me to recognize that wishing for things to be a certain way does not mean it will be a comfortable ride getting there! Got my helmet on 😉

Dawid Zawila @Unsplash

xx Jen

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